According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary forgiveness is defined as “to cease to feel resentment against an offender.”

Before we go any further, let me tell you a little story about my estranged biological dad, the dream I had, and my journey to forgiving him.

Let’s Talk About Forgiveness

My dad and I had been estranged for years. In fact, growing up, I only saw my dad on a few occasions when he would stop by to say hello and give me gifts (he lived in a different city). As a little girl, about 5 or 6 years old, I didn’t mind just seeing him once or twice a year as long as he brought me gifts when he came. All of a sudden, the visitations stopped and I never heard from him again. I’m sure there were reasons for that, but as a child, I didn’t care to know or understand, all I knew was that he was no longer in my life. I actually didn’t miss his presence because I was surrounded with so much love and care from my mom and her side of the family. I believe the last time I actually saw him or spoke to him, I was probably 7 years old.

Fast-forward to the year I got married, I reached out to him based on people urging me to do so. I thought “okay fine, let’s start over” but one thing led to another and everything fell apart. Right then and there, I decided I was done! Forget him, forget reaching out to him or speaking to him ever! I thought, “Who needs him anyway? I was only doing him a favor by reaching out to him. I don’t need him now, I have never needed him!”

As time went on, when anyone tried bringing up the issue again, asking me to contact him again, I could literally feel the steam coming out of both my ears. But I would always say to myself and to others that ask saying that “I have already forgiven him, I am not holding any grudge against him; I just don’t want to talk to him or have anything to do with him, that’s all.” Boy! Was I wrong!

I would always accuse him of being so prideful and unwilling to change but I was blinded to see that I was full of that same pride, probably even more than he was. I would say things like “if he is a good dad, why can’t he swallow his pride and reach out to me first?” (I know some of you can relate with what I’m saying). I also didn’t realize that being set in my ways and being stubborn, waiting for him to reach out to me first was a way of me not honoring my father as the Word of God instructs us to do in Deuteronomy 5:16.

Years went by and I continually shut down anyone who tried to get me to reconcile with him. I even stopped referring to him as “my dad” and started referring to him as “my father”, that way there is no personal connection.

I Had A Dream

Now, let’s fast-word to after I had my encounter with Jesus and how He came and reset my entire life. He changed the way I think and the way I process situations. He changed my perspective to His perspective.

One night I had a dream (yes, I pay attention to my dreams and take them seriously and you should too because God communicates to us through our dreams, but we will discuss more about dreams in a future post). I had a dream that my dad came to visit us and we all went to a sporting event. I wasn’t talking to him and was trying to avoid him by any means necessary. I told my friend that I was with that immediately after the event, we will make a run for it and get away quickly. Unfortunately, as soon as the event was over and my friend and I were about to walk out of the exit gate, I felt a hand reach for my shoulder from behind. As I turned around, it was a priest, and he was with my dad. He grabbed me and together with my father, we started walking down the street. Then he said something of this nature, “okay it is time to resolve this once and for all.” I said nothing, and my dad said nothing; then the priest said “it doesn’t matter how long it takes.” And as soon as I opened my mouth to speak, I woke up from the dream.

I immediately knew what God was communicating to me. I knew what He was asking me to do and I really did not want to do it. I said “Lord, why oh why?” “How can you ask me to forgive this man?” “Do you know what he did to me?” “How can you ask me to reach out to him?” Lord this is not fair!” “Ok Lord, if you want this to happen, then how about he reaches out to me first then I will know for sure that this is what you want me to do. Have you ever been there? At a place where you start asking God but why and you start bargaining with him? Like okay Lord, if You do this, then I will do this? I mean after all Lord, Your Word clearly says in Isaiah 1:18,

“Come now, and let us reason together…”

I know; I’ve been there.

However, because I have the fear (that is reverential fear) of the Lord in me, I knew that the only right choice was to obey. 1 Samuel 15:22 says

“What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to his voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.”

Obedience to God’s instructions trumps sacrifice any day, any time. It is better and more beneficial for you and I to obey the voice of the Lord and do what He instructs us to do, than it is to offer sacrifices to Him.

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. It is not something we are so quick to do because it is easier to harbor resentment and as humans, if we are being honest, resentment makes us feel better. It gives us the false sense of security – if we don’t forgive the person that did us wrong, we leave them with no room to hurt us again. But may I remind you, in case you haven’t already heard, that forgiveness is actually not for the other person, it is for you! It’s one of the few occasions where it is okay to be selfish. Forgiving the person who did you wrong actually frees you from the bondage that comes with holding a grudge in your heart. Someone once said: “unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die from it.”

Colossians 3:13 tells us to “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Forgiving my dad was by no means an easy thing for me to do, let alone being the first to approach him, but I had to do it in obedience to what God had shown me and instructed me to do in my dream; I had to do it for myself, to free myself.

In the second part of this post, I will finish telling you my story on my journey to forgiving my dad and how forgiving him has changed my life.

I want to challenge you as you read this: is there anyone in your life right now that you need to forgive? Is there anyone who has done you wrong or has hurt you so much that you don’t feel like you can ever forgive them? I’m not asking you to forgive them right here and now, but I am asking you to take it to God in prayer. Ask Him to show you the not so obvious ways you have harbored resentment but didn’t know it, and as He reveals it to you, ask Him to empower you to let go of that resentment and come to a place of forgiveness because it is not by your might but by His Spirit. And as you do, I pray that God will open up your heart, and that the light of His love begins to flood into your heart that it overflows into others, even your enemies.

Until next time, remember, keep your hope in God for He loves you and has promised to never leave you nor forsake you!

Because sharing is caring, be sure to share this blog post with your family and friends especially those who need to be encouraged to forgive someone today!